" Becky-sinky "

is sadist, however;

to accomodate for a
sentence he once made:

That it is not that,
but the opposite fact.
That he wishes not to
die himself, but if
and only if he could
watch himself die in
another
world
by
a very modified woman
of interest, which is
like what he likes.
Now if he could watch
himself die...
he would see.

But that is, what a
sadist wants and says,
to watch others die.

And like that.

He is a sadist in cover,
because this one day
could give him a so easy
excuse... reasons
are not and will never
be thought of so easily

and excuses such as:
are only for people
who don't accept themselves
and the others.

as "one day" like this:

>> weil ich Angs hatte,
dass ich Sadist bin [...]
es war klar, DARUM geht es [...]
also WOHER kam das zu mir? [...]
und hier in eben dieser Moment
bewies mir ploetzlich, dass
ich vielleicht tot geboren war.
[...]
und ich traumte mir "sogar" davon,
jemand zu vergewaltigen,
aber ich wusste, dass ich es nie
tue, weil ich die Gewalt verachte (am Bilde nich),
Kulturmensch bin (am Bilde nich), und "man solche
Sachen nicht tut." (das schon eher). <<

So schreibe ich es, so wie die

"stumpfsinnigen" Kritker
wie Jarocka und "andere aehnliche
Trottel", seiner Lust zu,

den Zuschauer mit einem billigen
Horror zu erstaunen.